Caged Existence

 I would like to include the phrase “Never push a loyal person to the point where they no longer care”

When I was young I had read that India was a democratic country. After my marriage I feel that I am living a caged life. Like the pet parrot who screeches on arrival of the owner. What is my recognition? I am always referred as someone’s daughter someone’s wife someone’s mom………………..why don’t I have a name  a character I feel that I am akin to the door mat what is my mistake for being treated like that  . I am not working I don’t have the money s u treat me with so much little respect. My husband left me but then it is fault … because I m a woman

We say we r modern woman we hide the bruises behind lip gloss and mascara and flaunt our dress but what about the soul is it really matured is it happy …. We have so many masks behind which we hide

I am always hiding behind the mask of ignorance and show fake smiles

All the worlds a fake, I am also one among them

Lost the innocence of child and happiness in small things…..

Laughter is an emotion I laugh but it doesn’t quite reach my eyes most of the time….

Before marriage I had a respect in my household r just was it my figment of imagination…

After marriage the attitude of my family changed its true that we have evolved from apes

 If  I can act about my feelings I can be without any pain

I am an outsider when they say so I am insider when they say  …ithu ellam oru vazhkaaiya

Whats this life without any respect for individual feelings and truthfulness.

I was loyal to the family I was born into

But they switch loyalty as it pleases

When I was young I was a fatso n ugly duckling so my mom always favoured my cousins

And my younger sis.

She used to call me ganesha as I m round  is she parvathi lean n pretty ,nah

She used to always fill my head with stupidity which I come to hate as I have grown up

All my aunts coveted my sister

Well I have a razor sharp tongue which will damages to me n others if they infuriate me

I am  not a round pumpkin with sweet manners but a pumpkin with sour manners

For sanity sake I should not lie to myself

Well  I got married  and there was isssues in my married life

My mother who said u should ao said u should adjust she never adjusts

My r adjusts

My life is the life of the dead it’s a cursed life  I will never wish my enemy to have this life

Well after patch up I lived with him for 5 yrs then ne fine day he left me alone

And his BIL contests how will her  sis marriage will take place without her akkas husband

My own sibling cuts me short blatantly tells me what should I tell about ur husband

Well why cant u tell the truth at did I murder anyone I see murderers n rapist get more respect

If I had been working nobody would have bothered  would have held in me in high esteem

What did I do this to deserve such treatment from my own family

Money makes many things is the ultimate truth

God is money

Heard abt money effects but never believed that my family will turn differencit….

Well once a tenant had  parked his bike inside home I asked him to keep it out he said its my house wats ur problem

Well I wish for death  now n then but have to stay in the shades n pity they give me allowance pay my debts and fees of my kid.

Well happy tidings my sister is to marry

I thought my family I shud put in efforts…

I said I will buy engagement rings for the couple

Even they all took me n saw all rings gold to platinum

Took photos of rings they liked

The so called groom said it was not customary for them ….

Then he said he will come and purchase the rings

And suddenly his sister will get it from foreign

Even the chameleon takes time to change colour from one background to another

They didn’t even think once I will be hurt

I was talking to my friend and the advice is to stay away from the arrangements

It’s hurting  when they discuss in front of you about the events they don’t even bother to ask u your opinion…

I am not surpanaka to get my nose cut short

When will this parade of insults stop or only the insulter will change

Will I know peace atleast in death?

Question questions lot of questions on my mind

Will I ever get answers

Well living a caged existence